Venting

Have you ever written an email to someone as a means to vent, and then as soon as the venting was completed and the entirety of your frustration mellowed, you happily hit the delete button? I feel that it is a fairly effective venting method. You are able to say all the things that would completely satisfy your constant thoughts, and have the relief of NOT dealing with the consequences/completely obliterated relationship that you just created.

For the most part I believe people to think of me as a fairly nice person. The realization came to me the other day that if people could only hear my thoughts...my reputation would be demolished. I think for the most part people tend to THINK a lot more than they say, and it is the talent of holding your tongue that makes you seem nicer to people than others. I feel the need to clarify, there are only certain situations/people that I feel the need to "hold my thoughts". For those that are now wondering what thoughts I have about them! Ha ha, there are only a few people (2 at this point). These thoughts that I have would lead you all to believe me a completely horrible person however.

Here is where I experiment with the blog as a venting possibility. Depending on the comments I may or may not ever attempt it again and resort to my emailing vent method. Subject of Discussion: Bossy Co-Worker. I have a co-worker that is a little lazy and a lot bossy. Being that she is a senior member of the staff I am sure that she is entitled to some bossing, but I feel that the level has surpassed its limits. She tells me what to do more than my real boss. Being that I am female I of course place a lot of weight on HOW the bossing is done rather than the actual bossing. Tossing an empty box on my desk and saying we are out...not exactly my way of hearing "could you please order some more".

She calls me obsessively from her desk to see what my co-worker is doing at his desk and why he isn't answering her calls. If neither of us are answering-I am quite often already on the phone-she will call me 3-4x until I answer, so she can ask my why my co-worker isn't answering her call. (WALK DOWN THE HALL AND FIGURE IT OUT!..OR better yet, wait...and try again later.) 9x out of 10, he is either on the phone already or with someone. I don't know why she doesn't just figure that one of the two of those are the reason he is not answering and not bother to call me about it, just for me to tell her that he is either on the phone or with someone.

I consider myself to be a fairly well educated receptionist in this business. Most of the things I do aren't mistakes they have reason. She will quite often call me to let me know I made a mistake. After a breif explanation, she realizes that it wasn't in fact a mistake, rather, just more work for her. She would have realized this after about 3 more seconds of thinking before she decided to pick up the phone and call me from her desk about 6 yards away. I think she doesn't like it when I prove her wrong, especially when she finishes telling me what to do, and I tell her that her demand is pointless because of a fact she decided not to hear at the beginning of the conversation.

I assigned her a closing this morning that wasn't hers because a co-worker was already closing one at the same time...she changed it back to her co-worker. I don't know if she just did it because she thought I got it wrong, or she just doesn't want to do it. Both are likely.

Now the reason that I feel bad about these negative thoughts. She is pretty nice most of the time and shouldn't I be mature enough to handle a little bossing/annoyances. Maybe I just compare myself to my Mother who seems like a saint to me when it comes to treating people with the most Christlike respect you can imagine. And then I always have the voice in the back of my head of my Mom and Dad always calling me the "Angel" and feeling like I am letting them down and proving that their old claims are in fact completely false. This would again be a slap in the face as my brothers would say "we have been telling you this all along".

With hesitancy I publish this post.