Another Chapter

Things are calming and becoming routine.  Elizabeth has a harder time getting her homework done because she now has friends at home to play with.

Yesterday was court day for us.  Chelsea signed relinquishment papers.  We still have to wait to get the fathers side of things finalized, but they have 1 month to protest or sign over rights.  We have a slight chance that there will be trouble with Brynlee, but I am not terribly worried, but Mavrick doesn't even have a father listed, so we don't have to worry about him.

Chelsea was very nervous.  She wasn't in the mood to talk or be "prepped" for the proceedings by our attorney.  She was asked to sit up on the stand so they could hear her better.  They asked if she was sober, if she was doing this under her own free will, if she understood that this was permanent.  They asked her to state and spell her name.  When they asked if she could state the name of the kids, she broke down and cried.  After a moment she was able to say their names.  It was very sad to see this, but she stuck through.  I felt a little surprised every time she answered favorably for us to take them.  When they told her she could sit, she asked to immediately leave the courtroom.

Our attorney was feeling like she was unstable and chatted with us after.  He gave us some advice to get a lot of copies of the relinquishment papers and keep them everywhere.  Just in case.

We went outside and Chelsea was in her car waiting for us.  She had a few more things for us.  She brought me flowers.  I gave her a hug and Andrew did too.  She was shaky and still seeming to be nervous, but stronger.  She talked with us about things we would need to know about birth-dad and we talked about what would happen next.  Andrew tried to emphasize that we needed to stay in touch.  We gave her a bus ticket to Billings MT.

The rest of the day was stress free.  We went to lunch at Cafe Rio, we thought of it as a celebration lunch, only not official, because Lizzy was at school.    We feel much more relieved and after talking to Chelsea don't feel as nervous about what might happen with Brynlee's birth dad.  She had good evidence to show she tried to have the kids in his life, without any effort on his part.

The other day Chelsea skyped with them and told them they would be staying here.  Maverick was seemingly in denial, but possibly didn't fully comprehend what was happening.  Brynlee cried a little and said "but mommy I need you, I need you".  She has seemed fine otherwise.   At one point Maverick said things were good because we didn't spank them with spoons.

Another day he mentioned that we could break down the door to get into Lizzy's room because that is what Daddy (whoever that was?) did when he was trying to come and get his wallet from mommy. 

Overall we are feeling good about things.  They are cute cute kids and we are excited to have them become part of our family. 

Wow

Deep Breath.  We got a call on Friday night that Chelsea was on her way, but she was having car trouble.  About Trinidad Colorado we checked her into a hotel.  Luckily there was a car place close to the hotel that took a quick look and made an assessment.  It came down to us needing to pick her up in Colorado.

Saturday morning was crazy as we made arrangements to get a respite sitter (foster certified) and then also arranged to have Grandma and Grandpa Lee watch Lizzy.  We were a little disappointed that we were missing Bean getting called a Bishop and being there for that, but couldn't be helped.  We also had to get a car trailer and then head to Trinidad Colorado.

Andrew and I had a lot of time to now talk things through and get our thoughts together about the situation.  While we were driving Chelsea called and wanted me to hear the tantrum that Mavrick was having.  She has been very concerned that we would be able to handle them.  I told her I wasn't concerned about my ability to handle him and that she needn't worry.  Although I was growing more and more worried about the trip back.....for good reason.

We stopped and stayed the night at Marcus and Christa's in Colorado Springs.  It was a little out of the way, but it was nice to see their place and where they lived.  We were there long enough to fill them in on the story and get a good nights sleep.   Avery was asleep the whole time so we didn't get to see her.

We headed out early the next morning to try and get to Chelsea as soon as we could.  It was clear, she was overwhelmed and not handling the kids well.  When we arrived they walked out of the hotel and gave us quick hugs.  We strapped everybody and the car up and headed on our way.  Andrew wasn't comfortable having Chelsea sit up front so she was in back with the kids.  She wanted to give us every detail about the kids and all kinds of tips about how to take care of them.  Within the first hour the tantrums began, Mavrick screamed and spit, stuck out his tongue.  Chelsea just argued with him and made it worse....much worse.  I told her she just needed to ignore him.  She asked if that was rude.  I said no, and that the attention she was giving him during the bad behavior was just making it worse and fueling the tantrum.  He started scratching his sister.  I finally reached back and asked for his hand.  Fully ready to hold him down, instead he calmed right down and held my hand for a minute.  Chelsea was shocked.  Frankly I was a little surprised too.

After the next stop she asked if we could trade seats so I could handle the kids.  We made the switch and things were better.  I wish I could say a lot better, but with Chelsea in the car it wasn't.  To make a long story short.  He broke every crayon, chucked them up front, screamed, spit, stuck out his tongue.  We heard mother F*&^ 4x in the ride home.  Chelsea and Andrew discussed a lot of the logistics on the way home.   I was really missing my Lizzy.    She said she knew she was the kids worst enemy.  She was clearly seeing that she was the problem.  When we took the kids inside to eat and potty, I was the Mom and she stayed outside and smoked. 

 They were actually pretty good for us when she wasn't there and at the food we told them to eat and sat where they were supposed to.  No tongues or swearing or screaming.

 This was the best part of the trip.   I was so ready to be home.  We hurried and picked up the kids from the foster sitter and then put them all to bed and then after that I had to hurry and get a sub for school Monday.

 The kids actually have been having a lot of fun together and haven't really had any problems.  Chelsea came over to our house and unloaded her car and got all her stuff sorted.  She wanted to sit together and go through all the keepsakes and momentos.  She kept everything including her positive pregnancy test and umbilical chords that fell off.

Mom and Dad showed up and I was so emotionally spent.  I broke down a cried a little.  The 11+ hours in the car with naughty kids and talking about a lot of hard topics and rearranging everything and trying to think about what I was going to do for school and the foster kids and my student teacher and my calling...I was overwhelmed. Mom and Dad gave me lots of hugs, helped with the kids and laundry, and were just there, which was the best part (makes me teary thinking about it).

Chelsea is staying in a hotel we got for her, we got her groceries and once her car was cleaned out and we went shopping she went back to the hotel.  Things have been better having her squared away.  She texts a lot and needs a few things here and there, but she hasn't been back to the house (which is okay with me, for kid reasons) .  She has already found a place to live in Billings, MT.

We found that we couldn't use the foster care home study, we needed to get a new one.  We then had a whole new world of things to think about.  Medical record checks, copies of marriage licenses, tax information, financial information, reference letters, background checks.  We also were waiting for the caseworker to find a new placement for the little guys.  We know this will be tricky because we were kind of a last resort the first time around.  I have no idea how long it will take for them to find a new placement for them.  We thought about keeping them because they are so cute and we have just fallen in love with them already, even though the thought makes me crazy.  We simply don't have the car space or the money to buy a new one.  I'm not sure I could do it either...I would need a nanny...(ha ha ironic...for those that don't know, my nickname at home is nanny...everyone calls me that).

 Lizzy also needed to go to the Dr.  It was good time to spend together because she was feeling the stress too.  She was all of the sudden having to share a lot of things and getting told no a lot more than normal, besides sharing attention from Mom and Dad.  The Dr. said she was in excellent health.   She also is wearing a green headband for St. Patrick's Day.   My class was so cute when I dropped her off at school after.  I went into my room to help the sub and say hi.  I got a lot of hugs and was happy to see them.  It is hard leaving them in someone else's hands.

 My house is a wreck!  I'm still not making enough food for everyone.  We have been doing laundry for 3 days straight. TOYS ARE EVERYWHERE!  Sigh...Alishia said "parents clean the most and you still can't tell".  I agree.

 This was captured mostly for Brynlee who was saying "daddies home, daddies home".  He got the Daddy name a lot quicker than I got mommy, but I still did get one from Brynlee today.

 Elizabeth has had fun playing with all the kids, she likes to read them stories and be the big sister.  She and Brynlee are very much alike.  Very girly, a little bossy and super loving.  Mavrick is sweet and mellow for the most part, he has just needed to learn to obey.  He actually has been a piece of cake since he got here and Mom left.  He is helpful and friendly.  I looked him in the eye the other day when we were talking about dressers.  I told him that we were going to put his stuff in Lizzy's old dresser.  He was wondering why.  I brought him close and said that he was going to be here for a while and be staying with us.  He asked why and I said because we wanted him here.  He smiled and gave me a sweet cheek to cheek hug and left to play. 

I'm feeling a little less overwhelmed today and even happy.  My house is still out of order, but I have a sub for the rest of the week and we were able to finalize the last detail for the home study.  They may be able to get our adoption finalized as early as next Tuesday....which will be awesome.   Andrew and I had seriously 10 minutes to decide what we wanted to change their names to.  We decided to keep their first names (which Chelsea really wanted).  They will be Mavrick Walter Shaw and Brynlee Carol Shaw.  Carol from my side and Walter from his. 

Whirlwind or Tornado rather.

The last week has been a bit of a blur.  So much has happened I'm not sure what is up and down.  Almost 1 1/2 weeks ago we were licensed to be foster parents.  4 days later we got a call. Boy/Girl twins that they didn't want to separate out of 4 other siblings that needed to be placed, including another brother and sister plus baby boy-girl twins.  We only have one room and according to foster care rules you can only have kids that are the same gender in a room if they are older than 2, even if they are siblings.  We let her know we still only had the 1 room and she said thanks.  We thought that was it.

When I got home from school that day (Thursday) Andrew was on the phone with DCFS and telling them he would talk to me and let them know.  They had decided to split up the twins and send the two boys to one place and the girls to another.  We had to make a decision.  Now.  We deliberated, nervous to say yes, but not feeling like we shouldn't say no.  We said a quick prayer and decided to go for it. 

The next day I went to school unsure of how things were going to unroll.  Our contact called us the next morning and said we were to pick them up at 1:00 and our first visit was at 2:00.  I was at school....I hadn't planned on a sub or anything.  Gratefully my student teacher was there, and also happens to be my neighbor who I work with in YW.  I was happy she was there and willing with the principals permission to take over my class for the afternoon while I buzzed on over to Ogden to get 2 boys. 

Darian and Demetrius are a 4 and 2 year old.  Cute cute Hispanic boys.  We brought them home and tried to settle in.  At this point I was feeling a little bummed because I was missing a long awaited girls night with my sisters and they were all getting together about then.  I did however, have plenty to distract me. 

Saturday morning my anxiety was running high as I was trying to wrap my head around what we just did.  I seriously felt inspired to drink my Dr. Pepper and just make it through the day.  I spent the day cleaning and organizing and near the end felt better about everything, but still felt my world completely shifted.  Sunday I had a plan to get up early and gear myself up for getting ready with 3 kids.  My plan was spoiled with Daylight Savings and loosing an hour of sleep. 

Monday came with an new piece of information.   A text from Chelsea:  Hello I'm very nervois about this and yes its late but I know Ill talk myself out of this if I don't do it.  I was wondering if you would be interested in adopting 2 children that are older but both are younger than 5.    Andrew responded letting her know we were interested.
I texted her later that day.  She immediately wanted to talk.  Very emotional and making a hard decision she cried while she told me about the kids. She liked our profile and how we were a bit country.  She liked that Andrew fished and would be a good Dad for Maverick. 

Maverick age 4 almost 5 and Brynlee age 3. 

She said "Thank u FYI u guys sound like everything I would want for my two little ones.  I can see my s on fishing with u reading and reading ur guys profile more and more over and over is helping not make this so hard. 

I know giving them up is the very best for them in my heart they are very loved and taken care of but the need stability in their lives and I have tryed to do that for them but I have failed I have no support system myself so I just have to be stronger and do this for them.

Monday night we were able to skype with them.  They seemed to be full of life and energetic.  Sweet happy kids.  Maverick would say "I love you" and Chelsea would correct him knowing he didn't really love us ha ha.  Maverick was drinking jam from a bowl.  They were showing us toys and telling us their names and birthdays.  Brynlee's favorite color is purple and Maverick's is green. 

Wednesday she had more questions.  I called her on my lunch break at work.  She wanted to make sure we valued work and didn't spoil the kids.  She also wanted to see if we were the type that wanted a ton of kids, she didn't think having a lot of kids was responsible.  I told her I felt that if the circumstances were right that I thought a lot of kids was okay, but that with our situation it wasn't likely that we would have more than 3-4.  She asked about how things proceeded with the attorney and such.  Knowing that in the past calling the attorney was the biggest hurdle for most of our potential adoptions, I told her I could give her the number to our attorney and she could call him. 

When I got home from school that day I found out that she had in fact called the attorney and talked to Andrew further about things.  The attorney emailed us later that night wanting to set up a conference call.  We called her again and she told us what she had discussed and let us say hi to the kids again.  Maverick asked for a pop-up book. 
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I get a text from Kenny about now "when's the reunion? I need to get work off".  Ha ha ha, he has no idea the kind of week I'm having.   I don't blame him, but it was the farthest thing from my mind.
__

Meanwhile Andrew and I were taking care of 2 foster care boys.  Demitrius had a fever of 103* and he just kept saying in his little 2 yr old voice "I sick" and would whimper a little.  It was sad, we had to pretty much hold him constantly.  I had to miss my Relief Society meeting I wanted to go to, I had all the stuff to help decorate one of the tables.  Then I cancelled Young Women's on Wednesday because I was sick and little guy was sick too.  (deep breath)  His fever still hadn't gone and we just kept giving him Children's Tylenol to keep it down.  We didn't have any of the paperwork or medicaid cards for them to take them to the Dr.  I called everybody to get answers, our neighbor, my mom, Jenny, Becky, Carillisa, The caseworker, the Coordinator lady.  Exhausted we just held through the night.  Today he did much better.
.....

Andrew texted me today .  He said she (Chelsea)was on her way from Texas and would be here tomorrow.  I think my exact words were "holy cow..OK"  This was happening really really fast.  Andrew was trying to reach the attorney and make sure we didn't do anything we shouldn't.  She was basically getting kicked out of her friends once her car was fixed.  It will be fixed tomorrow morning and will be on her way here. 

That leaves me here.  Documenting this holy crazy week...avoiding the fact that we need a dresser....for cheap.  We might not be able to fit them all in my car.  We need to get her an apartment, a home-study.  Make sure they find a new place for these sweet foster boys.  Background checks.  Finances, what are we going to arrange for bedrooms.