Hard

This last week has been pretty hard.  There were a lot of fun things, but a lot of anxiety as well.  Chelsea got kicked out of the homeless shelter she was living at in Missoula MT for mouthing off.  Not really a surprise there.  We felt like she was manipulating us because just a few days prior she said that she wanted to leave there and come here early.  We weren't ready for her and it would save us a lot of money for her to stay there so we encouraged her to stick it out, just for her to get kicked out 3 days later.  She told us she was going to take the baby and go to Canada because she was just sick of "this".  I asked her what "this" was and she responded that she didn't have anything to look forward to and life pretty much sucked.  What I wanted to say, prior to hearing that she was taking off to Canada, was very different to what I actually said.  I can't help but wonder if there was some Divine intervention there.  I told her not to go to Canada, and that we would find her a place here.  We scrambled and found a place.  Yesterday I spent half my Saturday getting her picked up, moved in and bought her groceries.  She smoked 3x before I even dropped her off.  I told Andrew and was immediately worried, we said that she didn't smoke, which we thought she was slowing down on because months prior she had said she was down to 4 cigarettes a day and working on nicotine patches.  Not true.  Things weren't looking good, but they just got worse less than 24 hours of dropping her off the landlord expressed concerns and ultimately kicked her out.  She is there tonight but we have to get her a hotel tomorrow.  My body is so stressed and my brain, that going to church today was a much needed sanctuary.  I felt like EVERYTHING they said was specifically for me in not only sacrament meeting, but again in Sunday school and then in Relief Society.  The support I felt from the other sisters as I mentioned our situation was heartwarming.  One lady might even have a place for her to stay.    On top of that this week we learned that Shane's (Brynlee's birthdad) attorney requested a hearing.  Which could mean a few different things, but it just adds more stress to the pile.  We have that in addition to the money we are spending on Chelsea and also trying to finish this new addition to get ready for the baby.  It all has just made this week one of the hardest of my life.

I'm so grateful for my Mom and Dad being here and my sister Becky being close by.  They have been so supportive and comforting.  Andrew has been stressed right there with me, but he has been really great to help take care of things and talking with Chelsea and landlords when he needed to.  Things that I really get a lot of anxiety doing, so I really appreciate his efforts.  Today was a lot of anxiety, but I find myself being really grateful for those around me at the same time.  I really feel the blessings of being a member of the church and having faith that God takes care of us.  I didn't change the circumstances, but I definitely feel watched over and a sort of calm knowing things will be okay.  We only have about 12 weeks until the baby is due....we just need to make it that far.   Deep Breath.  Tomorrow is Monday and I have the rest of the weeks chaos to start thinking about.  Oh yeah, and Andrew has a hunting trip and is leaving Wednesday night.....thanks again Becky